


Group Chats of Hogwarts

by thewaterfalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 10:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11034228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaterfalcon/pseuds/thewaterfalcon
Summary: The inhabitants of Hogwarts react to the installation of the new IM service.





	1. Harry Hermione Ron Ginny

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by my girl Pierrej92's fun fic Emails of the DM. Go have a read!

Hermione Granger: Harry, I thought we could perhaps give this new _Hogwarts IM_ out? I must admit, it's a breath of fresh air from the constant use of owls.

Harry Potter: hi! hw gr8 is this?

Hermione Granger: Oh, Harry _please_ do not use 'txt cht', I'm not sure I can cope with deciphering it constantly.

Harry Potter: i make no promisez

Hermione Granger: Why have you spelt 'promises' with a _z_? What function does the _z_ possess?

[Harry Potter has downloaded the following _Hogwarts IM colourscheme_ from _HogwartsIMPORTAL;_ **SLYTHERINSUXRED &GOLD4LYF]**

[Harry Potter has changed his nickname to PotterSeek7]

[PotterSeek7 added Ron Weasley to the conversation]

PotterSeek7: Added da 'z' cuz it annoyz u innit

Hermione Granger: _Sigh…_ and 'SLYTHERINSUX', really? That's hardly promoting house unity, is it?

PotterSeek7: ...

Ron Weasley: HULLOOO

Ron Weasley: IM IN THE CHAT

Ron Weasley: HARRY ^^^^& HERMONEY HULLLO

PotterSeek7: Alrite m8?

Hermione Granger: Ron, do you honestly not know how to spell my name?

[Ron Weasley has changed his nickname to KINGWEASLEY]

PotterSeek7: Dnt wry m8 u'll get tha hang o it

KINGWEASLEY: HARRY I THINK MINE IS BROKEN I CAN ' T SEE SOME O F YOUUUR LETTERS IS IT WORK OKLAHOMA ?

KINGWEASLEY: WORKING OKLAHOMA

KINGWEASLEY: WORING O K

KINGWEASLEY: I MISS OWLS

Hermione Granger: You'll get there Ron, just keep practising

KINGWEASLEY: THANKS HERMIO

Hermione: HERMIO?!

KINGWEASLEY: HERMMMMMINISTER

PotterSeek7: HAHAHAHAHAA!

[Hermione Granger added Ginny Weasley to the conversation]

Ginny Weasley: Hi is this Oklahoma

Ginny Weasley: I ATE This thing

PotterSeek7: OMFG LOLLLLL

[Ginny Weasley has changed her nickname to I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease]

PotterSeek7: Nice!

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: Thx!

KINGWEASLEY: POTATO

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: Thx...I think, loser.

Hermione Granger: So I'm the only one without a stupid nickname?

PotterSeek7: U cn b HERMIO-IN-THA-HOUSE-INNIT

Hermione Granger: No, Harry

PotterSeek7: Smack-tht-Hermio-up?

Hermione Granger: Please stop, Harry.

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: HermioTheLeo?

Hermione Granger: I'm not a leo.

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: HermioTheTuxedo?

Hermione Granger: ...

PotterSeek7: Iv gt it

Hermione Granger: Harry...

PotterSkeek7: ...w8 fr it…

PotterSeek7: ...

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: ...baited breath over here!

PotterSeek7: HERMIOTHEBURRITO

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: YES!

KINGWEASLEY: YE S !

Hermione Granger: ...no.

[I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease changed Hermione Granger's nickname to HermioTheBurrito]

PotterSeek7: BBBAHAHAHAHAHA HIGH FIVE GIN!

HermioTheBurrito: What?! Ginny! Why?

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: Can't breath i'm laughing so much, soz Hermio - not even soz!

[HermioTheBurrito changed her nickname to HermioTheBurrito]

[HermioTheBurrito changed her nickname to HermioTheBurrito]

HermioTheBurrito: Ginny it won't change back!

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: I know!

KINGWEASLEY: THI IS DUCKING FUNN Y

PotterSeek7: Literally never been so happy

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: *bows*


	2. 2 - Albus Minerva Severus

 

Minerva McGonagall: Albus, I really must express my concerns over this new IM feature you have had installed into the castle. This is an ancient, magical building, Albus. 

 

Albus Dumbledore: Ah, my dear Minnie, it is, alas, a bit of fun. 

 

Minerva McGonagall: Albus, I would really rather you did not refer to me as ‘Minnie’, thank you.

 

[Albus Dumbledore has changed his nickname to  _ DumbleFumble _ ]

 

Minerva McGonagall:  _ Really,  _ Albus? This does not seem the place to express such desires. I must say, I am rather appalled. 

 

[DumbleFumble has downloaded the following  _ Hogwarts IM colourscheme  _ from  _ HogwartsIMPORTAL;  _ **ILLUMINATINGPURPLE]**

 

DumbleFumble: I must digress, Minnie, that you are reading too much into my choice of nickname, I simply possessed a wish to have a name that featured a whimsical rhyming element. 

 

Minerva McGonagall: Is that so?

 

DumbleFumble: Indeed it is.

 

Minerva McGonagall: I’m sure Argus would disagree, but nonetheless, I do need to discuss the changes to my Fifth Year classes this term. 

 

[Albus Dumbledore has changed Minerva McGonagall’s nickname to  _ Moaning Minnie _ ]

 

Moaning Minnie:  _ Really,  _ Albus? Have we resorted to such childish measures?

 

DumbleFumble: YOLO

 

Moaning Minnie: Excuse me?

 

DumbleFumble: Ah, I see you are not, what is it they say, ‘ _ Down with the kids _ ’, as I am. 

 

[Moaning Minnie has changed her nickname to  _ Professor McGonagall _ ]

 

Professor McGonagall: Now Albus, I really must discuss my Fifth Years.

 

DumbleFumble: Soon, Minnie, is it okay if I add someone else to the chat, they’d like to discuss something with you. 

 

Professor McGonagall sent a gif

 

DumbleFumble: Well, there’s really no need for that, Minnie. You cannot tell me to **** off in my own school. 

 

Professor McGonagall:  _ I  _ did no such thing, Albus. The cat in the picture did. 

 

DumbleFumble: You are aware that I do know what your cat form looks like, and that the backdrop of that picture is your office. 

 

Professor McGonagall: …

 

[DumbleFumble added Severus Snape to the conversation]

 

Professor McGonagall: Really, Albus?

 

Severus Snape: Ah, Minerva, I have been meaning to discuss something with you...and since you seem to be permanently busy, it seems I have no other option. 

 

[Professor McGonagall has changed Severus Snape’s nickname to  _ INeedToGetAHaircut _ ]

 

INeedToGetAHaircut: I  _ BEG  _ YOUR PARDON?

 

Professor McGonagall: Oh, goodness me, how did that happen? My finger must have slipped. 

 

INeedToGetAHaircut: Albus, you know I have struggled to use this blasted device, how do you change it? 

 

DumbleFumble: I have been rendered temporarily partially blind Severus, I am aware that you have addressed me, but I’m afraid I cannot see anymore of what you hvae written. 

 

DumbleFumble: I meant ‘have’.

 

INeedToGetAHaircut: I thought you said you were partially blind?

 

DumbleFumble: ....

 

DumbleFumblr: ROFL

 

DumbleFumble: LMAO

 

INeedToGetAHaircut: I suppose he was telling the truth, since he is now spouting unreadable nonsense. Now, Minerva will you  _ please  _ CHANGE MY NAME TO SOMETHING MORE APPROPRIATE?

 

Professor McGonagall: As you wish…

 

[Professor McGonagall has changed INeedToGetAHaircut’s nickname to INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT]

 

Professor McGonagall: Much better, wouldn’t you say Severus?

 

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: This isn’t funny.... 

 

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: ...Mcgonagone.

 

Professor McGonagall: Oh...rush me to the burn unit. 

 

DumbleFumble: OWNED!

 

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: WHAT ARE YOU BOTH TALKING ABOUT! 

 

Professor McGonagall: So, Severus, apparently you wished to discuss something with me?

 

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: Well, I was wondering why every time I have managed to complete my marking recently, my papers all become somehow shredded? As though by...a cat.

 

Professor McGonagall: Why on Earth would I know anything about that?

 

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: Why do I find that hard to believe?

 

Professor McGonagall: Well...if you desire my best guess…

 

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: This is ridiculous. I will get you back for this, Minerva. 

 

Professor McGonagall: You can  _ try _ . 

 

[Professor McGonagall has changed her nickname to BossWitch]

 

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: I could think of a far more apt nickname, Minerva. 

 

BossWitch sent a gif

  
  



End file.
